It’s a red and pink sea of balloons and chocolates, clouds of cherry red lips and colored hearts posted and plastered in stores, it’s clearly a countdown to Valentine’s Day. Beyond the buying of romantic reminders there is the little thing called love that either gets overlooked or becomes performative. What is real and true is that love is a lifestyle and this season we have curated a series of conversations, tips to flirt with the idea that Black Love Matters. This four part series introduces love practitioners and a his/hers perspective on partnering, love and romance.
What a special season to be reminded to practice being loving as we count down our days to a collective expression of love. No…we aren’t pushing products, we aren’t here to convince you to celebrate commercial holidays, we are here to invite each of you to water the seeds of love, romance and affection for each other to root down into the fertile soil of intentionality and let your love lifestyle blossom with every breath.
We begin with the sage wisdom of author, romance expert, intimacy coach and owner of Making Love Better Twogether Ms.Yanni Brown.
Love is her business
“I’ve always been a lover of love, I was very passionate and vocal even as a teenager at the lunch table talking about love, sex and relationships. I’d say all my failed relationships and my marriages have played some role in going to school for relationship education. I believe it is going to take a collective effort sharing our stories, our truths to learn how to practice love in ways that restores balance in our lives.”
Truth is a deposit in the love bank that earns interest over time. Truth telling is one of many investments for creating respect and safety in relationships. Truth especially strengthens self respect and inner contentment for the truth teller. Deep feelings from misunderstandings can bring about resentment and disconnection, so when we speak our truths we open ourselves up to deal and heal our issues.
From Playtime to Mindful Partnering
“I started selling adult novelty toys to make extra money and I began to realize that couples weren’t connecting. These people weren’t communicating, they weren’t close and they weren’t exercising the basics of what it takes to make a relationship work. I began to study and focus on what are the connections between couples and paired that with the playfulness of the toys and found myself creating ways for partnerships to reset, reconnect and rebuild through romance.”
Yanni’s awareness took her to a place where she invited herself to be honest with what pulls at her own heartstrings. We are all our own first loves. If we can not be honest about what moves and motivates us, if we deny ourselves the pleasure of feasting on the pursuit of our passions with intention, we starve our romantic partners with unrealistic expectations. Her journey of self discovery for her passion is a practice in itself to note. To be a good partner we first have to practice living our truth and having the courage to exist in it. Love you…love what you do.
We miss opportunities to practice Black love
“There are selfish people in the world, both men and women, who believe that if it isn’t always about me you don’t love me. Unfortunately selfishness and insecurity create a missed opportunity to pour into each other and access the type of love that one is capable of giving.”
Black men tend to often feel unloved, belittled and dismissed. Black women tend to feel underappreciated, invisible and last on the love list. Partnership is hard, but it is even harder when you don’t have an individual practice of self accountability.
Appreciation over expectation
“It is important for partners to have honest conversations face to face about expectations and needs. Not everybody knows how to be loved or how to share love. The real questions are asking each other in what ways can those expectations be met and quite honestly the best question to ask your partner is how can I love you better.”
Gratitude goes a long way in relationships. Learning how to listen and share for the purpose of mutual understanding requires energy and grace. Ultimately we each decide to learn how to love in ways that shift our actions, words and how we receive our partners' efforts.
Partner practice week 1: Close your eyes and reminisce on a joyful moment your partner made you laugh. Let your smile and the memory inspire your next act. Follow Yanni @makinglovebettr on IG for daily lifts of love.
Yanni Brown @makinglovebettr
