Let's Talk About Sex in the Church

Growing up in church, children and young adults are taught so many things. How to pray, the books of the Bible, how to be kind to others, and how to show love. While these and other principles of religion are valuable lessons for living a life that pleases God these aren’t the only lessons that students of the church should be educated in. Sex. Yes, sex. Leaders, elders and adults of the church failed and are failing to teach young adults and children about sex from a biblical perspective. For some reason, it seems as though the church has made any aspect of sex taboo, or forbidden to teach about when in fact this is one subject that deserves more traction. So why does the church avoid the topic of sex? For starters, there are so many distorted images of sex and numerous ideals about what sex is that it’s difficult to decipher what it truly is and its purpose according to denominational beliefs. Pornography, sexual curiosity and the lack of controlling it, being uncomfortable with discussing the many aspects of sex and an inadequacy of knowledge of sexual intimacy are often reasons why sex is considered a restricted subject for discussion in the walls of the church. However, these reasons are the very reasons why conversations and lessons on the truth about sex from a biblical or religious point of view should be priority teachings amongst church goers. Here are a few other reasons why sex must be a consistent topic in the church. 

Times when sex is mentioned in Church

• Sermons on adultery.
• Sermons about premarital sex and why it is forbidden. 
• Abstaining from sex or remaining pure for singles.
• When acts of fornication are committed. 
• Fighting lusts of the flesh. 

Looking at these all too familiar topics, it seems as though sex is viewed in a negative light in the church simply because these are the areas where leaders are comfortable with discussing sex and intimacy. This narrative must change. Here’s why. 

Why Sex Must be Discussed Openly in Church 

• Lessons and candid, yet respectful discussions about sex can and will teach young adults and adults about why sex was created.
• Discussions can make young parishioners comfortable with their body changes and curiosity, be unashamed of their thoughts and seek guidance from others on how to control them. Is this to say that sexual thoughts and curiosity should be encouraged by the church? No, but it is to say that young believers should be comfortable enough to discuss their sexual curiosity with elders of the church without being judged.
• Knowing who created sex and its purposes will make young and older believers comfortable with discovering and discussing it for themselves. 
• It will help individuals learn about the importance of intimacy before and during marriage. Many married couples struggle with intimacy as one because the beauty of sex and sexual intimacy is not taught in church (or at home) from an individual perspective. 
• It is important to discuss sexual intimacy amongst believers and learn from each other to provide guidance and support. This does not have to be an exercise of kiss and tell, but it can serve as lessons in intimate discussions to help those in need. 

What Leaders can do to Effectively Begin the Conversation:

• Become comfortable with discussing sex from all aspects to reach every member. Churches are composed of members of all ages. It is the leader's responsibility to reach everyone where they are when it comes to sex and sexuality. 
• Have an in-depth understanding of what sex is, who created it and why it was created. Many leaders are so focused on sin-driven sex that they often fail to overlook the beauty and spirituality of it. 
• Be transparent and non judgmental. We are sexual beings. We know Who created us. There is no need for judging others for the way they feel or act upon their sexual feelings. 
• Create a safe and open space for parishioners of all ages to speak freely of their wonders and insecurities about sex and sexuality. 
• Help believers recognize that sex is a natural part of life, creation and that it serves a positive purpose. 

Everyone struggles with sex and sexuality in the church from married couples who can’t connect intimately, singles who want to live upright but give in to sexual desires, and leaders who are often tempted to step outside of their commitment or struggle within their own marriages. It is no secret that sex exists. It should not be kept a secret in sacred spaces, because it is a sacred act and the beauty of it should be discussed from all aspects. Let’s start talking about sex more in the church for all that it is, not just what’s comfortable. 

Liz Lampkin is a Lifestyle, Love and Relationships writer. Follow her on social media @Liz_Lampkin.