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Partners, spouses, husbands—whatever title they go by—have a unique ability to test even the most patient of parents. Picture this: You call your partner on their way home and ask them to pick up toilet paper. Amid the chaos of school drop-offs, business calls, and endless errands, you simply forgot to grab it earlier. So, you trust they’ll remember.
Do they? Often, no. They walk through the door with donuts, their favorite smoothie, their body wash they’re not out of—but no toilet paper.
Before kids, this might have been an easy oversight to shrug off. Back then, you could’ve just run out yourself without much fuss. But as a parent, these small lapses can feel monumental. Why? Because when children enter the picture, the dynamics of a partnership shift significantly.
The carefree lifestyle you once enjoyed—spontaneous outings, leisurely mornings, relaxed evenings—is now replaced by the logistical puzzle of family life. Decisions like who’s picking up the kids, what’s for dinner, and where those missing socks are (hint: they’re in the drawer) dominate your day. Suddenly, your relationship can feel more like a joint operation than a romantic partnership.
Here’s an important truth: Your partner is adjusting, too. They’re also grappling with added responsibilities and the stress that comes with them. The attention and affection that were once exclusively yours are now shared with your children. This new dynamic requires both of you to adapt and find new ways to maintain your connection.
One helpful strategy is to practice visualization. Think back to a time before kids, when it was just the two of you. Remember the warmth of their touch, the way they looked at you, the laughter you shared. Instead of focusing on what’s changed as a source of pain, use those memories as a tool for gratitude.
Maintaining your partnership is just as important as nurturing your relationship with your children. A simple rule to live by: If someone can’t give you 20 minutes of their time, they’re not worth your time. So, make it a priority to give your partner at least 20 minutes of undivided attention each day.
It doesn’t have to be extravagant. It could be sitting together while they watch their favorite show, taking a short drive while the kids are with a sitter, or sharing a cup of tea after the kids are in bed. The key is to carve out time just for the two of you.
Validation matters, and in the whirlwind of daily life, it’s easy to forget to offer it. The more you dedicate time and care to your partner, the more likely they are to remember those little things—like bringing home the toilet paper.